Pearl S. Buck: Self-expression must pass into communication for its fulfillment.
Since finding myself on the discovery path I am now on, interesting events have occurred within my everyday life. I am usually, quite a private person and even though I am very social, I often times, keep a lot of what I am thinking to myself. However of late, different situations have arisen that have given me the opportunity to express what I feel, to “walk my talk” or at least to try and give it my best.
Let me explain: I have finally allowed myself to voice out, in separate instances, some of the internal conflicts I ‘ve had between the person I am inside, and my external self. Being more often than not, the “nice” type, I have always tried to accommodate everyone, and this usually, at the expense of my own emotional well-being. However, I am now learning, that being or rather becoming oneself takes more, than the just the theory of it; It also takes lots of courage and commitment.
In a sense, it was way less complicated to just comply, and not really think about how I felt inside. I was actually getting good, at dismissing lots of things by thinking: “I am too picky”, “I am too demanding” or even “I should just, let it be”. I was playing it safe, being liked by everyone and not making too much noise. As a child, I had never been fond of too much attention, anyways. So it was all good.
Right now though, it is getting harder for me, to quiet down that inner voice, that seems to demand to be let out. I am learning, nevertheless, to still be kind to others, while going through the different stages of becoming who I am. You see, it is all quite new for me, therefore I am still fumbling with how to express myself, at the right moment, without totally upsetting the balance of how things used to be. I tell you, it is quite a juggling act.
As a result, interestingly enough, a totally different kind of energy, seems to flow outwardly. Very powerful and very liberating. Looking at my birth certificate one would think, I should have had all this, figured out a lot earlier in life. What can I say?…I guess, I am a late bloomer. But like the saying goes “Better late, than never…”.
Still, life is such an interesting journey to be on and I am learning to enjoy all of it, even when the road gets a little bumpier. There are lots of beautiful experiences to be lived, when I take the time I need, to reflect, like this little bird in my picture…Look closely…
Hidden in the branches, away from sight figuring out what the next move will be…