March Post for Peace: Forgiveness

“Be a rose which gives fragrance even to those who crushes it.” Unknown

Rose

This month challenge is about forgiveness and how it brings us closer to peace. Kozo is keeping us on our collective toes and pushing us further into looking within to find our way toward peace. After much soul-searching, I decided to tell you about what had happened to me about 12 years ago and how being able to forgive this person taught me some very valuable lessons.

  • I was a young mother wishing to start my own home Daycare  looking for children to take care of
  • She was also a young mother in need of help with her 2 1/2 years old boy
  • We agreed on the schedule and the fees. It all went according to plan except for one minor detail
  • Much to my dismay about 4 months after having hired my services, she still had not paid the fees she owed me
  • I had started to resent the situation and decided to confront her saying I wished to be paid or would not be able to care for her child any longer
  • She disappeared the very next day never to be seen again
  • Luckily for me a friend of mine had just been in a similar situation and I knew for a fact I would have a very hard time trying to get my money back
  • As chance would have it, I was able to have a last phone conversation with her the next day
  • I took this opportunity to let her what was in my heart and how she had hurt me (I had trusted her and felt betrayed)
  • I decided at that moment to tell her at the end of the conversation that I forgave her and wished the best
  • Within less than 24 hours of that very phone call, I got two brand new families entrusting me with their children
  • I was able to ask for my fees payable in advance (something that was very hard me) and slowly learned how to be a small business owner

The moral of the story is that, once I decided to forgive the young woman who had wronged me, I saw first hand the concrete benefits of my action. On the emotional side I felt much lighter and was able to move on with my life, instead of being prisoner of my frustration. This young woman taught me the value  establishing a clear contract when doing business. She also taught me to be more assertive and to step out of my comfort zone when dealing with financial matters. Those lessons were a bit hard to learn yet I am thankful I learned them within a few days of starting my Daycare. For the following 12 years, I never had any problems with any of the wonderful parents that came to me. In fact I can tell you  that a majority of them also came to be my friends.

This period of my life is over now and I often wonder about this young woman and about her son. I keep sending her blessings and hoping she got to be successful in her life. This post is my way to thank her, wherever she is and to wish her the best 🙂

48 comments on “March Post for Peace: Forgiveness

  1. Anyes, we may never know what good our acts of forgiveness may bring to others but we definitely get to know what they bring to us and that’s the peace and opportunity to move on, as you say. Yet many people say it’s foolish to forgive… Than you for your openness, I loved reading this.

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  2. Forgiveness and gratitude. They’re like two sides of the same coin. What a sadly beautiful story you share and tell here. And that in everything there are always lessons to be learned.

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  3. How beautiful that you were able to wisely speak your truth to her and to also wish her well at the end of the conversation. I am not surprised that the Universe/God gifted your kind efforts with not one but 2 new families and that the experience helped sculpt you into a successful business woman who asks for payment in advance of services. I love this story! Such wisdom. Bless your heart and thank you so much for sharing this amazing example of kindness. And I have a strong feeling that that moment on the phone with you helped that other young mother to open up to accepting future responsibility and growing with more maturity. I believe your wisdom rippled out to her through your shining example. I know you do here through your blog every day!
    Love, Gina

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  4. And how right you are. I am slowly (too slowly) letting go of the anger I harboured towards my mother. And the talented woman I aspired to emulate is re-emerging in my heart and memories as I let go of the woman who drove me to anger and despair when she dived into the depths of alcoholism.

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  5. Je ne résous pas les problèmes comme toi et je ne pardonne pas… J’oublie, c’est vrai. Mais j’oublie parce que je méprise! Une fois la rage passée et criée…
    A chacune sa manière, non?

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  6. oh yes. Forgiveness is something I have struggled with. I remember my first big betrayal from my first proper boyfriend. Years it took, years! My mother would say to me – you have to let it go. And I literally didn’t know how to do that. I had to learn how to do it. Yoga and meditation were wonderful ways to learn how to be disciplined with my emotions, reading Eckhart Tolle taught me about acceptance…and I have been learning from life about how expectations leads to disappointment – there’s this great thing i saw the other day which I loved – What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be…rather than how it actually is (that last bit is mine). Of course, you have every right to expect payment for services rendered! Thank you for your lovely post.

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  7. What a beautiful story Anyes. Your vulnerability was one side of the story and the young woman’s vulnerability was the other. Very likely this young woman had very little money and couldn’t afford day care but needed to work to support herself and her child As long as you didn’t ask for the money to be paid she skated along. And then when you mentioned it she had to flee. Now I know some people will be more cynical (or maybe it’s realistic rather than cynical) and she might just have been someone who liked a free ride. But people who like a free ride have learned that somewhere and or have reasons for being that way. Your phone call and telling her that you forgave her was not only a gift to yourself, it was a gift to that young woman. Because maybe you were the first person who had ever made her realize that she needed the forgiveness. You might have given this young woman a look in the mirror that helped her turn a corner. And maybe she just went on to mistreat the next person she left her child with. We can never know that. But putting out the good karma, the peace and the forgiveness allows the universe to do what it is meant to do.

    Thank you for sharing this. A reminder to us all what forgiveness can do and the power that it holds for growth and understanding. xo

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    • Amazing post, Anyes. Brilliant comment, slsmyth. Thank you so much for all this insight into the power of forgiveness.
      Anyes, you learned a lot more than business lessons by your encounter with this woman. “On the emotional side I felt much lighter and was able to move on with my life, instead of being prisoner of my frustration.” I can’t think of a better lesson to learn in life than how forgiveness allows us to move on and break out of the prison of resentment. I love your last line and how you are still sending her blessings.
      slsmyth,
      Thank you for your empathy. Your perspective about the young woman is the kind of perspective we all need to have if we want to have peace in the world. “But putting out the good karma, the peace and the forgiveness allows the universe to do what it is meant to do.” I can’t agree with you more.
      Thank you both for this enlightening dialogue. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

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  8. Hi Anyes
    It is beautiful how you had the he wisdom to let go. Then new avenues opened to you as the result. That is how life operates. We are often stuck with how others have wronged us and we hold grudges against someone or something. Until we let go, we will not see new opportunity.

    Love your stories

    Lien

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  9. forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves and we give the other…not passive forgiveness…just words but really letting it go…and you know you were able to learn in this situation so you could move forward as well…its important we let the other know why we forgive them too…that they know they hurt us…it is a step toward restoration….

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