Anyes - Far Away in the Sunshine

Growing up


Lost on a roof

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. e. e. cummings

Seemingly lost and a bit anxious this little feathered friend was calling for help the other  day and I could not help myself but wonder if his parents would find him in time. Babies grow fast in the animal kingdom and we humans are quite lucky to have the opportunity to parent as long as we do. Soon enough before anyone’s is truly ready the time comes when our little fledgling wings are strong enough for her/him to fly .

Darling Daughter’s return from a 5 days school trip made me realize a few obvious truths.

  • She is fast growing into a lovely young woman, I am learning to let her become who she is going to be
  • I am trusting that the past 17 1/2 years we spent together, have instilled a bit of our values into her thick mane
  •  This period in time is a very important step in our future relationship, navigating it smoothly will bring both of us countless joys
  • Being a parent is the hardest job I will ever have and without a doubt the most rewarding

Any words for me dear friend as I am learning to transition into this new chapter of my life?

20 comments

  1. It’s great that you acknowledge that you need to “let go” to strengthen your relationship with your daughter 🙂 Not many can do that…I think.
    Lovely photo too! 🙂

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  2. ha. oy, i feel you…i am not there but feeling it a bit with a few transitions with my own son this week…time is so fast these days…ha so true on the hardest yet most rewarding …it is def note for the light hearted…smiles.

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  3. As a non parent it has always seemed to me both that parenting is a very hard and underappreciated (by our society) role and that one of the hardest things as a parent must be to let them go.
    It seems to me that you are doing wonderfully well – and your daughter’s happy tears are a testament to that.

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  4. I hope your Darling Daughter reads this post because it is full of love, Anyes. Thank you for being a vanguard. I hope my sons are as loving and blessed as your kids. {{{Hugs]}} Kozo

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  5. Being a parent IS the hardest “job” we ever undertake. And it is never to be undertaken lightly or taken for granted. What you have done to date, what you continue to do will bring rewards for you and your husband and for your children. I see the evidence now with a 25 and 21 year old. We let them make decisions first with our help, then with less and less input. They learn from the decisions they make. The mistakes teach them more than their successes at the stage your daughter is now…and we are there to help them heal from the mistakes and guide them towards what a different decision would look like. We give them space to “be” who they are and we praise why we like what they did, not simply “I think you’re great” — but a heartfelt “that took courage to step up…how did it feel?” We pay closer attention to who we are as adult role models and if we find ourselves lacking in some area we are honest about it with our children — if we fail them in small or large ways we apologize, we own up and we discuss how we could have done something differently with them or for them. The main work has been done…but we never stop working to “perfect the craft”. You are so on the right track and this time of your daughter’s away with friends, without her parents/family — you’ll see such change/growth in her as the days unfold. It’s really a rather wonderful feeling, isn’t it? As for respect? It’s everything.

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  6. My best bit of advice to you is to do everything you can to keep the lines of communication open. This may mean accepting things about you and your daughter that you may or may not like. I found that for me and my son and daughter I had to let go of some ideas of what I thought was right or wrong, to let go of judging harshly. When I moved to a place in my journey where I could accept them and love them unconditionally, no matter what path they chose, we were able to talk openly and freely.

    I also learned that it is important to respect our children just as we expect them to respect us.

    Other than that? Enjoy every single moment you have together.

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    • Communicating daily no matter how we sometimes felt about it, has been the key to our relationship and it is something I always keep at the forefront, Deborah.

      I am glad to see you have such an awesome relationship with your grown children, it is so inspiring 🙂

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  7. I’m very much OK now, and have done all the healing and forgiving, but when reading things like this there’s still a frisson of . . . . .what is it? pain? regret? sadness? that I didn’t have a mother like you are, or an authentic connection with her. Your daughter is very lucky. You too no doubt.
    xoxox

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    • In a very interesting way my parents showed me what NOT to do…I have made my peace with it all and I am so glad to have the relationship I have with Darling Daughter now as I did not know it could be this way as a child :/

      You are right Alison we both are very lucky indeed. xoxox

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      • Oh I so understand the how NOT to do it thing. Don and I both spent years (and tears) practicing how not to do it with various other partners before we got together.
        I’m so happy for you and your DD
        xoxox

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  8. Love your little dedication here to your daughter … don’t have any children by my own choice! My mum and didn’t have the best of bounds when I was a teenager – it was terrible – because I wasn’t use to have a mum full time (grown up by grandparents) and mum was not used to have a daughter … that’s why I start looking at the world as my working field. We are okay now .. but over 30 years before we really started to talk like mother and daughter.

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Talk to me, I am listening :-)