How could I ever forget?

I am not a product of my circumstances.
I am a product of my decisions.
Stephen Covey

Blowing in the wind

I promise you I did not mean to, I just forgot how to dance with you. It’s not that I don’t like when we dance together anymore, it is simply that the way we used to follow each other’s steps is escaping me at this moment. I feel lost and confused, time tricked me into thinking I would always know our dance. How could I ever forget? After all these years together, it should have been imprinted in my memory, tattooed in my heart,  unfortunately l have to admit… I just forgot.

Or at least, this is what I want to tell myself. In reality I chose not to remember, deciding instead to spend more time learning how to follow my artist’s voice. As a result I forgot to practice those steps we used when we danced together. Today, on our 18th anniversary my heart wants to hear our music and remember the pleasures we used to feel in each other’s arms.  My mind does not know how to reach for you anymore and I know you feel the same, I can see it in your eyes, I can read it in your heart.

So what do we do, tell me, what do we do?

Being the eternal optimist, I hope we will find our way back to dancing the way we used to and in the meantime I wish us both patience and understanding with each other’s clumsiness around the dance floor …

29 Comments

  1. Hi Anyes…I too wish you well as you and your dear one learn to dance again with each other. It’s good that at least you are aware of it and want to do something about it, you know? It’s never really too late…I don’t think anything ever is because everything has it’s lessons to teach us. Thank you for sharing this as it is a reminder to all of us that we shouldn’t forget to work at practicing our dance steps with our loved ones, be it our spouses, our friends, or members of our family! 🙂

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  2. Oh Anyes. I understand, I do. Even though this may be a difficult time, how fortunate you and your husband are to have an opportunity to remember the dance steps again, together. It may be difficult and it may take time. As long as both of you are aware and willing, there is still love. I know that one’s life is not a movie, but have you ever seen “Shall We Dance?” with Richard Gere and Susan Sarandon. It has a surprisingly beautiful ending, and it is also the same one that I hope for you. xo

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    1. Writing this post was very helpful and allowed me to realize how important we still are to each other. I am going to look for this movie and watch it with him, it looks like something we could both enjoy Rufina. Thank you for sharing this with me here. 🙂

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  3. Anyes,
    I’m not sure what happened to my first comment that I thought I posted here. I just wanted to say that the dance changes, the dancers change, the song changes, but the music stays the same. It is the music of two souls who are part of the same body trying to re-member their connection. Keep on dancing, my friend. {{{hugs}}} Kozo

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  4. Such honesty- raw and pure- vulnerable. Its truly an honor to read such an intimate and achingly beautiful piece of writing. The others have given such sound and solid advice. My inclination is to simply say- lean in- or keep leaning in because I think you are. So just go- all the way into the center- keep going in and I just know with all the changes you are experiencing, you will discover a new way perhaps, to be the old you- with him. Love to you sweet one- much love.

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  5. Today we can dance what ever way and style we want and can … we don’t even have to have a partner and how great isn’t that … we don’t have to be afraid of end up as wallflowers anymore – just dance the way we feel for. That is some drama in that photo of yours, stunning … dramatic and scary!

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  6. i am hoping so very much that the waiting dance floor feels the weight of your and your hubby’s love very soon. people change, lives change, marriages change…but if it’s meant to be, truly meant until death due us part, you’ll be dancing again. granted, it will be a new dance. how can it not? but it can be just as beautiful as it was in the beginning. my thoughts are so very much with you…..so very much !!…..xo

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  7. I agree with Sherry, and I know you are the woman who can take the lead and dance her best dance again. Happy anniversary.

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  8. Coming up on our 30th anniversary, I have to agree with Sherry. I am not completely the same person I was in the beginning, neither is my partner. He and I both have grown and changed and learned many new dances along the way. There was a time when we thought our dance was over, but we were mistaken. We chose to find a new way to dance together and it is more beautiful now than it was before. Keep the faith and as Cherry Pie said, Talk, communicate. Pain doesn’t last anymore than happiness does. We are always in a state of flux. Good luck and listen to each others hearts…

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    1. Always in a state of flux…how very true Celticadlx, At this moment we are both being very careful and attentive to try and recapture what seems to have vanished…and seeing what you and every one else wrote, there is hope. Thank you for your kind wishes 🙂

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  9. The dancers need to look one another in the eye and talk. It maybe painful and bumpy but it if the spark is still there, it will lead back to the dance.

    *hugs*

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  10. Anyes, thank you for your honesty. We all may have been there and experienced that confusion and sadness. But if there is just a spark of love still present in the relationship there is always a way to let yourself be lead and follow the music again. Perhaps the patience and understanding is not enough and the dancing requires more active approach to adjusting the steps. Both dancers need to participate and effort must be done. Both dancers need to learn new steps and use those which connect them. Both dancers need to communicate. Wishing you the best. xx

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    1. You hit the nail right in the head Petra, communicating is something we have to do more of and we have to learn it fast. We took each other’s ability to be together for granted and we have to re-learn to communicate and to get closer one step at a time. Thank you for coming here xx

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  11. Anyes, I believe this is something that happens to all of us. Life is change. Change is life. And the longer we are together with one other person (or even with our children) the dance changes. Just as we could once do the twist with no groans, we have to learn to alter the steps as we age so that we are dancing in unison to the new music..the music that carries a different melody. One that speaks of the past, the love, the experiences, the ups and downs, the joys and the sorrows. In a dance one person always leads, yes? And in life one person leads, and then becomes tired so the other take the lead…it needn’t be that you stop dancing altogether but that you keep listening to the music. And happy anniversary! (I love your honesty and the depth with which you speak) xo

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  12. honest.
    and i have been there.but there is hope. there was a time a few years back we fell out of the dance and went through some tough times…and had to refocus and get priorities straight again…its not easy, but it can be done…
    best wishes on the learning to dance again…smiles

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