Long Distance

Ocean Waves
It’s been now one day short of two weeks and somehow it feels like it was yesterday. The news of her passing still rings untrue in my heart. Part of it might simply be for the fact I live so far away.

Everyone is back home in France and most of the time I am quite comfortable with my life being this way. However there are times when I wish I was a lot closer. Times when being on your own is harder than usual.

In times like this I miss the touch of the ones I left behind, in times like this I wish there was an easier way to be together. Remembering her in the middle of our house and telling the stories of her life would be a different experience surrounded by my siblings and our father.

By nature I tend to be the kind of person that retreats when in pain. I simply go within to lick my wound. This time the fact that I was so far from everyone gave a new dimension to my pain. I was very ambivalent about having anyone try to console me. The soothing presence of my friends coming to visit me to pay their respect after knowing about my mom’s passing gave me strength. To my surprise I realized that even if only a few of them ever got to know my mother, the sadness they expressed was real and helped me through the grief I felt.

I am now riding the waves of the mixed emotions that sometimes overwhelms me, trying to be at peace with it all. She lived a full life surrounded by every one and even if the last 10 years were quite difficult she was lucky enough to have spent them in the house that knew her, together with my dad. Her suffering has ended and it is a blessing.

 

20 Comments

  1. I know the pain you’re experiencing now, the devastation. I remember feeling actual physical pain as well as the emotional. Realize that however long it takes, it’s okay. If you like, I’ll pray for you and your mom. Let me know

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  2. Oh Anyes, I’ve been away from here for awhile and I’m so sorry to hear of your Mom’s passing. Give yourself lots of time to grieve …it does get easier with time. Hugs to you my friend.

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  3. Dear Anyes, I’m just catching up here after a few months of being absent and am so sorry to hear of your mother’s passing. I hope you’re finding some comfort as time passes, I know that it’s a long process and ultimately life-changing.

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  4. aww sweetie. i wish i could give you a hug and just hold you and make you feel better. i know those grief waves and sometime no matter how large your life preserver is, they still can grab you and pull you under. my prayers will continue…and hopefully soon, the “girls” will be able to get together…..that’s my dream !!!….xo

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  5. Living so far away from my family in Germany I can understand your feelings quite well – I went through something similar when my mom passed away. No one here – except for my husband and daughter – knew my mother, so there was no one to share memories with. That sometimes made it quite hard.
    Grief takes its time, and it’s a long time. Take this time, and be good to yourself.

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  6. Know that while you ride those waves you have much support to keep you afloat. Sending you love as you work through this painful and difficult time. xo

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  7. I don’t think there is anything like the loss of your mother. At least I was able to go back to Australia and be with my sisters when my mum went. All I can say is something you’ve probably heard many times – with time it gets easier. Don’t stuff your feelings.
    Big hugs from me.
    xoxox

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  8. I am so afraid of the day I will lose my mom. I live in Israel and she in Germany and she’s getting older and sometimes I feel so sad about her going away getting closer. Sending you a strong hug!

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  9. grief takes time…and we all walk it at our own pace as well…let it take its time…dont mire in it but walk it…remember her…and i hear you on being away from family in these times as well…

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