Above water


The unsettling truth is that:”Life goes on ” if my head understands it, my heart is still unwilling to obey those words.

Physical pain rippling from within, coming into waves, at the most inopportune times then slowly settling in the middle of my stomach. The sudden flow of tears coming out of nowhere is somehow harder to control. The dull ache of emptiness filling some of my daily moments.

Those are some of the signs that indeed life goes on, regardless of how I selfishly wanted my whole world to stop, for ever, for a day, or even for an instant. One of the most surprising element of this grief I am experiencing right now, is that the distance did not lessen my pain. I must say it comes as a definite shock, as I had anticipated exactly the contrary, being so far from everyone for so long.

The streaming sunlight is soothing my heart and its soft touch warms my soul. Deep inside I understand time is going to make it all better, so I am learning patience while trying to make sense of how I am feeling.

Thank you dear friends for your visits and your kind words of encouragement, they help me stay above water xo




  1. that quote is beyond perfect….i might have to store it away in my quote “book” for future use. i can tell things are unsettled with you….both physically and emotionally…..and i’m sending you the biggest hug EVER. send me a note if you want to talk…..xoxo


  2. Sometimes grief pokes her sharp bony fingers in our eyes and our heart. We think she has left, and heave a sigh of relief – and she is back again. It DOES get better. Really it does, though it will still sting from time to time. Be kind to yourself. Hugs and love.


  3. You write beautifully of your pain Anyes. When we acknowledge our pain and our suffering…our sorrow and our loss, we allow ourselves to “be” and we honour the one we have lost. I’ve never been one for trite sayings that are meant to “help us cope” because they don’t. There are no sayings, no words that can ever encompass loss, or take away the pain. It is just one part of living that we experience and move through — at our own pace. I hope you read Honey’s link. Sending you love and a shoulder for those tears. Just let them come as they want to. They’re healing.


  4. Though life goes on, you are right to say that the feelings of loss is a sign that you are moving on…breaking the cocoon of sadness slowly as you allow the emotions to flow. Have you read the book Dying to be me by Anita Moorjani? It’s a good book and I feel it may help ease the pain…a little 🙂


  5. I am so sorry that you are struggling so. I have dealt with much loss in my life as well, and I know how hard it is. I think you just have to expect the waves of grief and be especially good to yourself during them. The first time, I tried to be everything to everyone during it, and I fell apart because I was not allowing myself the needed time to grieve. You are in my thoughts and prayers.


  6. smiles & hugs.
    and it will go on…both life and the pain…and little things will crack you up at times…but life from here on is a testament to how that person touched you….


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