Broken and Beautiful

Broken…Lost…Both?

The bruised self I have been for the past year or so, is filled with hurts, sorrows and lacking joy. Still weak and searching for strength, I find myself reflecting. How long will it be till I find the zest for life I used to have? My poor camera sits on the side lines waiting expectantly for me to grab it as I used to. My notes books are spread all over the table waiting to feel the soft caress of the pen on their pages.

The thoughts in my head are jumbled and keep coming and going. Alternating between fear, sadness, anxiety and bursts of hope my moods are all over the place, so I kept quiet. Not wanting to burden the screen with a story that does not bring anything to anyone. Yet I find myself here knowing that by pushing a bit more I will get back into the rhythm that writing and taking photographs used to bring to my life

The words in my heart are rushing through asking to be put to paper, the images I do not capture are filling my heart waiting for my head to feel better. It’s a mess…

Happy is the man who has broken the chains which hurt the mind,
and has given up worrying once and for all.

Ovid 

Broken and Beautiful

Heureux est l’homme qui a brisé les chaînes qui blessent l’esprit,
et a renoncé une fois pour toutes à être inquiet .
Ovide

Le moi meurtri, je suis depuis l’année dernière, remplie de maux, de douleurs et sans joie. Encore faible et la recherche d’une force intérieure qui m’échappe, je réfléchis et je me demande. Combien de temps me faudra-il jusqu’à ce que je retrouve cette joie de vivre, que j’avais d’habitude?

Mon pauvre appareil photo se trouve abandonné attendant que je le prenne comme je le faisais avant. Mes block notes sont répartis sur la table attendant de sentir la douce caresse du stylo sur leurs pages. Les pensées dans ma tête sont confuses et ne cessent d’aller et venir. Alternant entre la peur, la tristesse, l’anxiété et des éclats d’espoir mes humeurs sont partout, alors j ai gardé le silence.
Ne voulant pas vous embéter avec une histoire qui ne n’apporte rien à personne, je n’écrivais plus. Et aujourd’hui, me revoila sachant qu’en me forcant un peu plus je devrais retrouver le rythme que l’écriture et les photos apportaient à ma vie
Les mots dans mon cœur se précipitent demandant à être mis sur le papier, les images que je ne prend pas remplissent mon coeur, attendant que ma tête se sente mieux. C’est vraiment un gâchis…

22 comments on “Broken…Lost…Both?

  1. Reblogged this on Debi Bradford Photography and commented:
    This is where I am….blissfully, incredibly written by someone else. Anyes Pourtaghi, Writer and Photographer crafts her blog FarAwayInTheSunshine.com, for which I shall be eternally grateful. It’s nice to see it in writing, this odd place of being. I share this here, on my poor neglected blog so that I’ll not lose it, or her. Recognizing and naming a thing means I’m halfway there, yes?

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  2. I just found you. Through Cigdem Kobu. Through the miracle of the Internet. I read something you wrote on Cigdem’s website and found your blog and read some posts and then I found this one particular incredible missive. This post conked me over the head with truth….my truth. This is exactly, word for word, where I am. It’s nice to read it written so well and so clearly so I can nod my head and say “yes.” Thank you.

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  3. It takes a long time, and sometimes I wonder whether it will ever really end? I don’t believe in time as the big healer – but it makes the pain easier, gentler. We need quite some patience for that – and this is what I wish for you, patience.

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  4. Being patient is hard, very hard. I think we all want a date, a time when the pain will end. If there were an expiration date for pain it would be so much easier to bear, but as others have said it is a process that has to worked through. You’re getting better, it’s getting easier, and this, too, will end…..words that have held me together many times when things seemed to be falling apart.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I guess you hit the spot, Sandra! Patience is what I am lacking of at this moment. Everything in me think it should, I should feel much better by now. The frustration comes from noticing that it is not going the way I thought it would. Lots of learning is happening right now. Thank you for coming and sharing your thoughts with me here.

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  5. “Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.”
    Louisa May Alcott

    Love you, my friend.

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  6. It’s so hard when you’re in the dark tunnel. You think it will never end. All you can do is surrender to the journey. The end will come, whether you see it or not. So – surrender and patience. Sending you a cocoon of warmth.
    Alison

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  7. But it sounds to me like you are still putting one foot in front of the other and even if you take baby steps, that’s good. And I see all the beautiful images that you share and seeing that beauty has to make your heart happy. And you show up here and you show up for your friends, to encourage and support. One day at a time, I’m always sending you good thoughts.

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Talk to me, I am listening :-)

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